{0031}

Life can be so awkward and seemingly overly complicated at times. So Justin, my ex, and I hadn't talked much since I broke up with him. Yes, in the following days of breaking up with him I texted him asking, well begging, him to give me a second chance. That has been at least 3 weeks to a month ago. Well he texted me out of the blue Thursday night asking if I had his old number and the only two numbers I could find was not the number he needed.

So Friday I seriously debated on whether or not to text his e-mail. In the end I did and I asked him if he could come hang out with me. I even tried bribing him with Taco Bell. Well he couldn't come over because he had his youngest son with him but he asked if I could send him a few pictures. So I sent him a few and then he told me to pick him up at 9:30. I, of course, got super excited because 1) he actually talked to me and 2) he wanted to see me even after everything. So I get Jarryd ready to go, I stop and get gas, and I pick Justin up. It was quite awkward at first but he eventually broke the ice by telling me he got a letter from a place he submitted his application and resume. The ride was still kind of quiet and a bit awkward but we made it to my house in one piece. We stood outside and talked a little bit while he smoked a cigarette and he told me that he was really cutting back on smoking and that when he has his son he only smokes 3-4 cigarettes.

Anyways, we go inside and get comfortable. Jarryd was half awake and half asleep so I take him upstairs, turn on cartoons, and head back downstairs and turned on the baby monitor. That's when things got extremely hot and heavy between Justin and I. We ended up having sex, which shocked the hell out of me (and gave me a nice bruise on my neck). Jarryd started fussing shortly after so I go get him and then Justin treats me like he used to and cuddles me. He holds my hand, he kisses me, he plays with Jarryd, we joke around, and things seem super great. Well it comes time for me to take him home and we were outside talking  while Jarryd was in the car. I asked him if we were back together and he said that we weren't but he would have to think about it.

The crazy thing is, is that he hugged me, wiped away my tears, kissed me, and on the ride back to his place he held onto my hand as tightly as he could and when we got to his place he kissed me, hugged me, kissed my hand, and told Jarryd that he would see him later.

 I am just a giant confused mess. I really hope that he is seriously considering us getting back together because if Friday night didn't mean anything to him then I will be completely and utterly shattered. I love him so much, crazy I know, but I can seriously see myself marrying him and having kids with him. He's my soul mate and I don't want to live without him. The last 3-4 weeks have been hell enough as it is not talking to him or seeing him. I want my mate back.

{0030}

Once again so much has happened since my last post. Never got my call back and I broke up with my boyfriend. I regret breaking up with him but he refuses to talk to me or acknowledge my existence. So it's back to days of cleaning, doing dishes, vacuuming, and washing laundry to keep busy. Also, as soon as I get the chance I will be going out and trying to find a job. I want something that I can be comfortable in and make a decent wage.

School has been going pretty well. Getting at least a B in both classes. Yay Me. Woke up around 1am to find that the window behind our couch is completely cracked and pieces fell out. Been trying to keep the tiny one away from it which has been fairly easy but it's so cold.

Jarryd has been sick for the last week and a half but he's getting better. Plus he's getting an attitude which makes me want to lock myself in a dark room and never come out.

Anyways, he's trying to maul me with an ink pen right now so I better go.

Our window. Lovely isn't it?