{0055}

It has been a long while since I have posted anything here. Between my last post and now I have had quite a few new things happen.

The most important one is that I have finally found someone that I want to be with for a long time. He makes me so happy and it scares me a little bit because I haven't felt this safe and secure with anyone, ever. I never thought I would find someone that could make me feel safe and secure but I have and I trust him completely. It is not a blind trust either. He hasn't lied to me about anything and has never given me a reason to doubt him or anything he has said. October 31st will make 5 months together for us.

Another thing that has happened is, that I have long quit the pizza shop I was working at during my last post. After that, I worked at Giant Eagle in Bolivar for a short time before I got fed up with all the chaos and disorganization and quit. After that, I had gotten a job at the Dollar store and I was only there for a little over a month before their chaos and "I'm better than you" attitudes got to me and I quit there as well. I am now a temporary cashier at Wal-Mart. I really like working there and the people I work with. I am truly hoping that I can keep this job for the full 180 days and that they can keep me on after my temporary position is up. One can only hope.

However, as much as I love my job and I need to be working, I feel horrible that I don't get to see and spend as much time with my son. I've been working so much and he has been staying at my aunt's house. He hasn't been home, in I don't know how long and I miss him so much. I do have Saturday off so I plan on spending time with him before he has to go back over to my aunt's so that I can be at work by 7am on Sunday. I do plan on picking him up Sunday afternoon, after work, and bringing him home because I have Monday off and he hasn't seen my dad in such a long time. I feel absolutely horrible for being away from him like that. Plus, I have people on me and right now it is pretty much damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I do work, I don't get to see him as often but I do get to spend time with him but he isn't attached to me 24/7 but the bills are paid and there is food on the table. If I don't work, I get to spend more time with him but the bills go unpaid and there isn't as much food on the table. So I have people on both sides making me feel like shit all because I can't work and have him by my side 24/7. I would love to have a work from home job that pays more than minimum wage but that isn't possible.

Plus I am also trying to find a new to me vehicle so that when winter comes I won't be driving a piece of crap and I'll actually be able to drive to work. I just feel as if I can't win no matter what I do.

Well, I am going to get a shower and head over to see my boy. I can't wait until I am able to spend time with him again. I love and miss him so much.

{0054}

Haven't update this in about 3 months.

I've been working for the last two months. I love my job just not some of the people I work with but hey it happens.

Just trying to figure out life and all that jazz. I am hoping things start smoothing over soon or else I may have a mental breakdown.

Anyways that is the update. Enjoy.

{0053}

Here in Ohio it is fucking freezing. Last night alone it was -8 degrees with a -55 wind chill. Today it is roughly -2 degrees with a -22 wind chill.

Last night I made the decision to bump up our thermostat up to 80, it is normally on 75 during the winter. I made a post about it on Facebook and I get chewed out about how I need to be conserving energy. I'm sorry. I have a 2.5 year old son that I need to think about. I don't care if I freeze to death but I do care if my son freezes. It doesn't help that our windows and doors are just so freaking drafty. So not only is it fucking freezing outside, I can feel that coldness seeping into our house.

Even on 80 degrees it is still fucking freezing in this house. So I'm sorry if I don't turn down my thermostat to a balmy 60 degrees while it is colder than fuck outside. My bills aren't of anyone else's concern. You aren't paying them and, until you do start paying for them, you do not get a say in what I do to keep my child and my house warm. Yes, I am still looking for a job and my family has fallen on hard times but still, I will always find a way to keep the bills paid to keep a roof over my son's head and him warm and toasty in the winter time. I don't care if I have to sell every single one of my belongings, I would do so in a heartbeat, especially for my son. I would give up every personal item I own if it meant the safety and comfort of my son.

The good news is that I have a job interview so HOPEFULLY I can nail it and get the job. That would be AWESOME.

Oh and I HIGHLY doubt they would start rolling blackouts on the coldest fucking day of the year in 40 years. If it is too cold for kids to go to school then it is too cold to shut millions of people's power off, especially if they have children. Not everyone can handle being bundled up in a ton of clothing. My son hates wearing clothes and will yank them off ASAP. Why should he get punished? Why should he freeze? I think it is pretty selfish to say that you want people, that aren't conserving energy, to lose their power first. Way to make people feel like crap for trying to keep themselves and their children warm.