{0012}

Things are a lot better between Matt and myself which makes me so happy. I would give just about anything to have just one night of pure passion with him. Dinner, Movies, and Sex. Lots and Lots of Sex. I want him so bad and in more than for the sex I want to be with him and every day that we aren't I feel like I am slowly being ripped apart. I am so in love with him and I love him so much that it hurts. I just wish I could get inside of his head and his heart to see if he felt the same way about me.

I could spend all day every day talking about him. Though surprisingly he said he would go on a date with me the next time he is in town though I have no clue when that may be. I never thought I would hear from him again but I kept him in the back of my mind hoping that where ever he may be and what ever he may be doing that he was doing better than me. When he found me and I found out how miserable he was with his marriage my heart went out to him because he deserves better.

He thinks I should hate him for breaking my heart and how he broke the news to me. But I can't. I can't hate him for something that happened 5 years ago especially when I have loved him through it all. I just want to cry because I know that I will probably never have him again but it's so nice to dream about what could happen or you know.

I better go now. I need to hop in the shower and figure out what suitcase I am taking to my mom's house.

{0011}

Well things have been different since Matt came and went. We don't talk like we used to and it's different and I can tell it's different. I'm thinking about just leaving him alone for the time being and seeing what happens; maybe if I don't text him he might miss me and text me first. I don't know anymore I just hate feeling like such a burden to him and everyone else.

Not really much else to update on really. I got a hair cut and both of my nipples pierced so those are the only really new new things going on. Going to try and work on the Striped Beanie Cap and see what the end result is and then I may make one in orange and brown for Matt for Christmas I haven't truly decided yet.

Alright loves, I am going to go and get some laundry washed and dried and then grab my yarn and start working on my hat.

**Note to self: Pick up 2 more size "J" crochet hooks. I had 3 and now I'm down to 1 again. >_<