Things are a lot better between Matt and myself which makes me so happy. I would give just about anything to have just one night of pure passion with him. Dinner, Movies, and Sex. Lots and Lots of Sex. I want him so bad and in more than for the sex I want to be with him and every day that we aren't I feel like I am slowly being ripped apart. I am so in love with him and I love him so much that it hurts. I just wish I could get inside of his head and his heart to see if he felt the same way about me.
I could spend all day every day talking about him. Though surprisingly he said he would go on a date with me the next time he is in town though I have no clue when that may be. I never thought I would hear from him again but I kept him in the back of my mind hoping that where ever he may be and what ever he may be doing that he was doing better than me. When he found me and I found out how miserable he was with his marriage my heart went out to him because he deserves better.
He thinks I should hate him for breaking my heart and how he broke the news to me. But I can't. I can't hate him for something that happened 5 years ago especially when I have loved him through it all. I just want to cry because I know that I will probably never have him again but it's so nice to dream about what could happen or you know.
I better go now. I need to hop in the shower and figure out what suitcase I am taking to my mom's house.
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