Monday, June 10, 2013

{0041}

Apparently, I can't say shit on my own Facebook without it being over analyzed, so I have to come and vent to my blog, which nobody reads.

I'm so tired of everyone being so goddamned critical over every move I make. Why can't a vent just be a vent? Why can't a person lash out their emotions? Why can't people just leave me alone and quit making me feel like a completely uneducated moron? I am so tired of having to carefully think about what I say before I post it. Everyone talks about wanting the truth and not being lied to and even when I show proof to back myself up, I still get lashed out at, and treated like some stupid kid that doesn't know what they are talking about. I'm tired of it. I may not be the most educated person I know but dammit, I DID graduate high school and even took some college courses. Granted, I couldn't keep up with being a mom and a student so I had to pick being a mom over being a student. At least for now. But I'm not the uneducated moron everyone treats me. At least when I post something, I KNOW what I am talking about!! It's so funny how other people think that my words make me this god-awful person. It's the INTERNET! Unless someone is using CAPS LOCK, or punctuation marks, you can't tell how or what they are feeling or what they are questioning. You cannot tell TONE OF VOICE just from the way someone types something up or the way it is posted. They are just words on a screen. The emotion(s) YOU feel when reading something are YOURS NOT. THE. WRITERS. So don't be an ASS and ASSume that what you are feeling when you are reading anything, is any indication of how the writer felt when they wrote it.

I am just so tired lately. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I HAVE to find a job soon. If I don't, I do not know what will happen. I've already heard back from Giant Eagle and Sears. I'm still not good enough to get a job with them. At this point I will never be good enough to get a job anywhere. I'm such a fucking failure. I wish dad could see how pained I am by this. It doesn't matter how many applications I fill out or how many times I call. I will never be good enough for any company. Just like how I will never be a good enough mom. Thanks everyone. You sure do know how to ruin a person by treating them like they are uneducated, stupid, not good enough, and just being overly critical and analytical over shit that doesn't need to be analyzed or criticized. I hope you are happy with yourself.

Maybe one day, I will be good enough but I doubt it.

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